Whether you’re building a business, a network, or
friendships, you always want to look for people who are genuine. After all,
nobody wants to work or hang out with a phony. On the flipside, that goes for
you, as well. Bet you never considered that.
In case you're wondering, genuine means actual, real,
sincere, honest. Genuine people are more or less the same on the inside as
their behavior is on the outside. Unfortunately, it's a tough quality to
discern. The problem is that all human interactions are relative. They’re all a
function of how we perceive each other through our own subjective lenses.
Being genuine is also a rare quality. In a world full of
phony fads, media hype, virtual personas, positive thinkers, and personal
brands – where everyone wants what they don’t have, nobody’s content to be who
they are, and, more importantly, nobody’s willing to admit to any of that –
it’s becoming more and more rare all the time.
To help you identify this rare breed -- in yourself, as well
-- this is how genuine people behave.
They don’t seek attention. They don’t need constant
reinforcement of their own ego. Where attention seekers have a hole that
constantly needs to be filled, genuine people are already filled with
self-confidence and self-awareness.
They don’t seek attention. They don’t need constant
reinforcement of their own ego. Where attention seekers have a hole that
constantly needs to be filled, genuine people are already filled with
self-confidence and self-awareness.
They’re not concerned with being liked. The need to be liked
is born of insecurity and narcissism. It creates a need to manipulate your own
and other’s emotions. Confident and authentic people are simply themselves. If
you like them, fine. If not, that’s fine, too.
They can tell when others are full of it. Perhaps naïve
folks can be easily fooled, but genuine people are not naïve. They’re grounded
in reality and that gives them a baseline from which they can tell when things
don’t add up. There’s a big difference.
They are comfortable in their own skin. In his late 70s,
actor Leonard Nimoy said he was closer than ever to being as comfortable with
himself as Spock appeared to be. Most of us struggle with that. As Henry David
Thoreau observed, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”
They do what they say and say what they mean. They don’t
tend to overreach or exaggerate. They meet their commitments. And they don’t
parse their words or sugarcoat the truth. If you need to hear it, they’ll tell
you … even if it’s tough for them to say and for you to hear.
They don’t need a lot of stuff. When you’re comfortable with
whom you are, you don’t need a lot of external stuff to be happy. You know
where to find happiness – inside yourself, your loved ones, and your work. You
find happiness in the simple things.
They’re not thin-skinned. They don’t take themselves too
seriously so they don’t take offense when none is intended.
They’re not overly modest or boastful. Since they’re
confident of their strengths, they don’t need to brag about them. Likewise,
they don’t exhibit false modesty. Humility is a positive trait but it’s even
better to just be straightforward.
They’re consistent. You might describe genuine people as
being weighty, solid, or substantial. Since they know themselves well and are
in touch with their genuine emotions, they’re more or less predictable ... in a
good way.
They practice what they preach. They’re not likely to advise
people to do something they wouldn’t do themselves. After all, genuine people
know they’re no better than anyone else so it’s not in their nature to be
self-righteous.
All those seemingly different behaviors have the same thing
at their core: self-awareness that’s consistent with reality. Genuine people
see themselves as others would if they were objective observers. There’s not a
lot of processing, manipulating, or controlling going on between what’s in
their head and what people see and hear.
Once you get to know them, genuine people turn out to be
more or less consistent with the way they initially hold themselves out to be.
What you see is what you get. It's sad that, in today's world, such a positive
quality is at risk of becoming endangered. Not only is it harder to find in
others, it's becoming harder to be genuine ourselves.
CONTRIBUTOR
CONTRIBUTOR
Steve Tobak
Author and Managing Partner, Invisor Consulting
